Couples may see taking another pass at their relationship, including moving back in together, after a break up as either overly simple or impossibly difficult. The good news lies somewhere in between the two poles. The trickiest thing will be the return to cohabitation as the majority of pitfalls occur when people reduce their footprint as it allows for all the challenges to be magnified. Taking certain steps increases the chances of success.
Know the Why
Moving in together can be done for multiple reasons. One should understand the specific reasons they and their partner are looking to join forces in the most intimate way. Being aware of this before taking the plunge prevents any problems achieving those goals. If one of the couple is not on board, everything may end as their first pass. What are some possible whys?
* Taking a Next Step: Some couples say this is making sure they are compatible in a living arrangement.
* Saving Money: With an eye toward the future, couples may wish to cut expense and put the money aside for a big purchase.
* Finding a Lease Release: A lease ends and one apartment is not getting used that much anyway.
* Longing for More Time: Couples want to be in proximity to one another.
These and countless other reasons can crop up to explain why it is time to move back in together. This may become trickier after the first time of living together because one might decide to say what their partner wishes to hear rather than being honest about what they feel.
The second time around resist the urge to meld everything into one big mass. The individuals must have individual parts of themselves to permit vitality within themselves and the relationship. Let’s take a look at some things needing a slice of separation.
Personal Possession: Combining streaming queues and full libraries along with pots and pans the first week may lead to trouble if another uncouple occurs.
Finances: Keep financial responsibilities apart for the short term. There can be a joint account or separation of bills, so everyone is equally committed to the relationship.
Space/Time/Activities: Each person needs to have a space to get away to, time to themselves and things they pursue without their partner. This adds variety, conversation points and areas for personal growth.
Proceed with Caution and Hope
Too often, couples taking a second tour are wiser for the first attempt. They recall fights along with hot button issues. Because of this, they can go slow without creating an environment of distrust. At the same time, they should not be living as though it will all go wrong. An open heart and mind will permit conversations about the future without short changing the expected growth.
Moving forward, the couple staying together witness several of these safeguards will fall by the wayside naturally. Money talks will be about the couple and not the individual. Shared activities will become more common. Libraries and home goods will grow indistinguishable from who they started with. Holding on too long to separateness will prevent growth. If one uses fear to prevent progression, they need to talk with their partner. Getting closer means talking about it and stretching for the future.